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Michelle Bachmann

Michelle Bachmann is running for president on a pro-slavery, anti-porn platform?

I Pledge of Allegiance 5-9-09 1

I saw this headline about Bachmann signing some pledge calling for the ban of pornography. I thought, "Well, she just lost half her base." Then I read the complete pledge and found that it is full of far more disturbing language than just the porn reference.

For example, it binds the signer to oppose Sharia Law, because you know, that's a huge threat in America right now. I recalled that I stopped buying hot dogs from the halal food cart outside my office because it always came with a side of Sharia Law, and don't you just hate when Sharia Law spills all over your shoes? It's so irritating!

The pledge also refers to something it calls "the intimate fruit of conjugal intimacy." This is pledge-writers' way of saying "children." The "intimate fruit of conjugal intimacy" sounds like something an alien race studying humanity might say because where they come from, there is no such thing as sex. Here on planet Earth, we do have sex, and lots of it. Sometimes sex results in "children," which is a word we have, also here on Earth.