Here are the problems with this Marco Rubio moment. 

  1. He maintains eye contact nearly the entire time. That’s creepy dude.
  2. He licks his lips, like some sort of sweaty and nervous pervert.
  3. His gulp is way too loud. Who actually gulps audibly?
  4. He looks mad suspicious! Like he’s stealing someone else’s water, and doesn’t want America to judge him for it.
  5. Oh, and he voted against the Violence Against Women Act today, which makes him a dick.  

Here’s my complete Twitter coverage of the State Of The Union.