Well, alrighty then. Citizens of Baratundesia, it's good to be back on schedule. We've got a special NewsPhlash for you that will more than make up for the delay. We've got stories of Nintendo Wii addiction, anal stitches (yes, you read that right), some shoutouts and, as promised, our first t-shirt and book contest winners are announced, inspiring me to post my first official standup gig from 2002 online because of you guys!

Oh yeah, my YouTube videos have been viewed over 12,500 times!! woohoo!

>>>>> Our first contest winners!!! <<<<<

#1 Michelle from Providence, RI and #2 Lisa from Boston, MA

Michelle will be receiving one autographed copy of my first book, Better Than Crying, Poking Fun at Politics, the Press & Pop Culture. Lisa will be receiving a babydoll, blue Kittens for Breakfast t-shirt! Congratulations ladies! It would be great to get a photo of you with the book and shirt, but no pressure!

Highlights from their answers:

Lisa's favorite joke, etc. of mine:

"ok, i really liked when you had that npr interview with jane elliott. i liked that she received the honorary black person card."

Michelle's favorite joke, etc. of mine:

"I've liked lots of the blog posts, but I especially liked your contribution to blackpeopleloveus.com. Hey, do you know where I can get some weed?"

My Response: Actually, Michelle, you want to talk to my boy Michael Richards. He's got the hook up!

Lisa on first seeing me perform:

"it was the young professionals for deval fundraiser. i remember your jokes about your name - I've met a Nigerian father and you were right on! i also remember that you didn't just leave after you performed. you stuck around and met people, including me. and you weren't snooty. You offered to include my blog address on your webpage. and then you did it! thanks, man."

My Response: Lisa, you are so welcome and so on! I am not snooty! I think I'll put that in my presskit.

Michelle on first seeing me perform:

I saw your graduation show when you took the standup class like four years ago, 3rd floor of the Hong Kong. Yeah, that's right. You followed Sarah Silverman. She told a joke about how her ex-boyfriend got offended when she said he would've been a really expensive slave. You started with explaining that you would've been a really expensive slave.

My Response: That's a pretty close memory there, Michelle. It's true yall. On my first real show ever, I had to follow Sarah Silverman! She indeed closed with that slavery joke. I got up there and said I'd have been a priceless slave. And actually, yall are in luck. Michelle has inspired me! I dug out the video of that first show, and I've just put it Google Video (was too big for YouTube). I'm a bit heavier and a lot less hairy, but it's me. Check it out and see me transition from Sarah Silverman by immediately attacking babies and children.

Check out vintage Baratunde, nearly five years ago!

Remember, I'll be giving away books and t-shirts for the next 21 weeks! The rules are simple. You actually have to be on my email list to have a chance, and I've made the entries a little easier with this web form here.

>>>>> You had surgery where? <<<<<

I have shared many medical trials and tribulations with you people, and from time to time I've wondered, am I a bit too open about all this? Is it too much information? A conversation I had on Saturday night has assured me that I haven't even gotten close. I was at a friend's birthday party, and within five minutes of meeting a woman there, she proceeded to tell me about how she required surgery on her actual anus. I know! And then she told me about the anal stitches. I know, yall! But since I had to suffer, so will you!

At no point in our introduction did I ask, "So, how do you know Bob, and by the way, do you have any anecdotes you could share involving your anus? Really? You do!? Well do carry on!"

Now that you're warmed up. Let's continue with the weekend.

>>>>> I installed Linux on my old laptop <<<<<

During the day on Saturday, I was a motivated man. I updated my mailing list, submitted to some comedy festivals, went shopping, worked to overthrow our corporatist government, and I even bought candles for my apartment. I've found that myrrhe works really well to get rid of that Thankstaking genocide dinner aroma. I had finished my errands, and decided to go to the mall.

You have to understand, there was no reason to go to the mall. I had the damn candles (BTW, Dyptique on Newbury is the hotness), yet I found myself in the Best Buy. I knew why I was there. I wanted to get a Nintendo Wii. The last time I went through major medical drama (see tuberculosis 2004), I bought myself a hacked Xbox. I thought a mini-stroke qualified me for a Wii, but Best Buy didn't have any.

Then I started checking out the Xbox 360. Then I went to EB Games, and they didn't have a Wii, but they had the Nintendo DS Lite which looked so cute and purchaseable! Then I went back to Best Buy and nearly attacked the sales guy. "Well, when will you get the Wii? Do you at least have a demo I could play. Please?! I just want to hold the controller!"

It was when I found myself in the Apple store surfing eBay for the non-existent WiiBox 360 Lite that I realized I had a problem. I went home, busted out an old IBM laptop that wasn't doing the world any good, and proceeded to install Ubuntu Linux on it. Ahhh, sweet relief. I just needed to play with some technology. I needed the rush of downloading updates and pushing buttons. Anytime I find myself fiending for a game console, I just play with my free Linux machine. Mmmmm, security patches.

>>>>> Save the dates <<<<<

No shows this week. I'm off to Portland, OR for a little rest and relaxation (see abnormal migraines and fake stroke 2006), but there are a few Boston shows you should mark down.

December 8th & 9th

The Comedy Studio

and a very special announcement...

The Laughing Liberally Lab is coming to Boston!

January 17th, 2007. and I'll be hosting!!

>>>>> Shoutouts <<<<<

To this guy, who nearly escapes a high speed police car chase twice! What a driver.

To one of my favorite new websites, www.yelp.com. It has cool local reviews of restaurants, night life and stuff. Kind of like Citysearch but better. Check out my reviews via baratunde.yelp.com

>>>>> MoJos (Momentary Jokes) <<<<<

next week, yall. I'm tired.


Baratunde Thurston

Comedian, Author, Vigilante Pundit


and everywhere else Internet tubes are found...

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FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=2244

YOUTUBE: http://www.youtube.com/baratunde

FLICKR: http://www.flickr.com/photos/baratunde/

MOJOS: http://www.dailycomedy.com/baratunde_thurston/home/

YELP: http://baratunde.yelp.com

BLOG: http://www.baratunde.com/blog